" The person you trust, is the person who sees you at your worst, and stands by you anyway"

I am very blessed to have someone like that in my life. I think that is why counseling/therapy is so big, people don't have that person and as humans we need that connection. Someone we can unload on, and feel safe doing it. For counseling to be effective, the relationship is the most important factor. Not how many degrees one has, or what theory one holds too. Does the person talking to me feel safe? Whether in a professional relationship or a private one. I want the person talking to me to feel safe. That is how healing happens.

Awesome, awesome, awesome weekend. I picked up Brett and his friend Bobby in Tampa and took them to Fort Myers for the weekend. They stayed with me. We ate, drank, went clubbing, and a few other things. Nothing like spending a weekend with two hot, but cool, bois.

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes, some small, like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret, because we are looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. Sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did, but for the things we didn't do, things we could have said, that could save someone we care about

Date:	2006-11-17 07:23
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic
Music:	The Cure

I finally brought (leased) a new car and I love it. This was a long time coming. I picked up a brand new loaded (and I mean loaded) Acura. I still kept my other car, so I can use that to go back and forth to work. But I have worked hard the past few years, and sacrificed, but now I want to enjoy stuff. I am still being fiscally responsible, but I need to balance that with have some enjoyments. So 2006 has been a good year for me, with moving into my new house and now my new car.

I have changed my lifestyle for the better, and I feel awesome.

Date:	2006-10-30 21:58
Subject:	This song helps me
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	Rod Stewart

It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothings in my way
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No there not gonna hold me down

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I finally have my day
I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No there not gonna change my mind

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

I've known a wind so cold and seen the darkest days
But now the winds I feel are only winds of change
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain
But I'll be fine

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

Faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
That no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

Its been a long road

Date:	2006-10-30 12:58
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	Dave Mason

The box

I am on vacation this week, and today (Monday Oct 30th) I decided to go through some of the boxes in my garage. It figures that the first box I opened contained all the cards and letters that Brian gave to me. All the love notes, birthday cards, valentine cards, and just all the "I just love you cards". I can remember all the situations where Brian left me a beautiful note in the morning. Sometimes I would leave for work and let him sleep in, and when I come home for work there was a love note. Or I would wake up for work and look in the refrig and there was a bag with lunch for me and a note. I have moved on from Brian, even though some doubt it. I mean I have moved on in so much as I don't hurt or feel paralyzed, by my love for him. Things have been going great for me. I love what I do for work, money is really good, I have a new home that I love, going to buy a new car soon, great friends, family, health, and a good social life. BUT as I went through that box, and read the cards, notes, and saw the pictures, the feelings that I HAD for Brian just flooded me. For a few minutes I felt like I was punched in the stomach again. I mean I know I am not the first person to be in love and have that love end, but it is what it is. We are all unique human beings and we all deal with stuff in a unique way. That is why I love doing psychology/counseling. The human story is different for each person. I have not seen or talked with Brian for close to a year. I am now at the place where I can hope that is doing great and he is happy. I know that he loved me, and I loved him more than I have loved anybody else. We dated 2 1/2 years, and shared many things. Well, that's it. I could write more, because I am feeling so many things right now, but back to the boxes.

Date:	2006-08-18 11:17
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	Dave Mason-Feelin Alright

Nothing really much to report. I guess my life is boring or I am too lazy to update this thing.

I have been working a lot of extra hours, and the money is good. During week nights I have been staying in and watching either sports or a DVD by myself or I have a friend or two over. Weekends are a different story. Friday and Saturday nights are party nights. Today (Friday) I am heading back up to Tampa. Going to the club Chambers, and chill with Brett (such a hottie). Saturday night I am planning a little something at my house, and that should be fun.

I still have not brought a car yet. There are so many good choices, so I am taking my time.

My house is really coming along nicely. I love the way it looks. This weekend I want to buy some patio furniture and a fish tank.

I see Ryan about 2x a week. It is not serious and I think we both like it that way. He stays over, we have fun, and then we both do our own thing. It works for me.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Date:	2006-08-05 18:56
Subject:	Update
Security:	Public
Mood:	energetic
Music:	Madonna-Ray of Light cd

I went to Chambers in Tampa last night. I had a lot of fun. I love that place. I was able to see Brett and that was cool.

I love my house. I have all the big furniture in and it looks great. I just need to add some little pieces to finish it up.

I am looking to buy a new car. I have narrowed it down to Nissan 350Z, Maxima, Lexus IS 250/350 or Acura TL.

Brett has been a big help. Thanks Brett.

I am still chillin with Ryan.

Peace

Nothing really new going on. My house looks good. I have put a halt on the spending for just a bit, to catch my breath. I have most of the big items for the house, now I just need to fill in some things to make it more homely.

I have seen Ryan a few times since my last entry and we are going to dinner tonight. Right now we are nothing official, and might never be. But we just chill when we both want, he usually stays over, and he does his thing, and I do mine the rest of the time. It works nicely.

I am in the market to get myself another car. I plan on keeping what I have, becauseI have had it 5 years and I want to keep using it to drive to work, which is about 40 miles one way. The second car will be for my leisure. I am looking at either a Lexus, BMW, Acura, Honda, or Toyota. No rush, but I am keeping my eyes open.

That's it. Peace.

Date:	2006-07-06 13:50
Subject:	Random
Security:	Public
Mood:	lethargic

My friend completed most of the landscaping and it looks so good. He has planted a a variety of trees and plants around the house. I need to take some pictures.

Last night had dinner with Ryan. I met him at his work. He and his brother own their own business. It is pretty cool. After dinner we met 2 of his friends for drinks. Ryan drank "Sex with an Alligator,". It was ok, but I stuck with my Heineken.

I really enjoy spending time with him. I am trying to keep my feelings in check.

Work has been slow today. It is typically slow in the summer months.

That's all for now. Peace.

I had a nice 4 day weekend. It was a combination of partying and relaxing. I had a 2nd date with Ryan on Monday night and it was fun. We went out for dinner and I met one of his close friends. After that, Ryan and I went out for a couple of drinks and we talked. He invited me to another one of his friends house for a BBQ on the 4th, but I already had plans.

Now back in the office, but at least its already Wednesday.

That's about it for now.

I have been busy with the house each day. I continue to add stuff to the inside. Today my dining room stuff comes..finally. I have been adding some palm trees and some cool plants/flowers around the outside, so that is looking good.

I have off from work Sat-Tue, so looking forward to the weekend. I am going out on a date with this guy that I have talked too the past few weeks. He is 24, a cool and interesting guy, and as a bonus...cute as hell. Nothing too serious. It's just nice that after dinner and whatever, I can at least invite him back to my place.

I hope everybody has an awesome 4th weekend. Peace.

Date:	2006-06-22 19:45
Subject:	So nice
Security:	Public
Mood:	relaxed
Music:	Usher

I got the rest of my stuff out of storage today. Most of my furniture and electronics has come. Still waiting on a few things. I have spent close to $20,000 on stuff for this house and still need so much more. But its fun. It feels so good to be sitting here, on my notebook, having a beer, listening to music and just chillin. My neighborhood is so quiet. I have a 3 bedroom house all to myself and love it. Peace.

Date:	2006-06-16 08:24
Subject:	Fun
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

Just at my house this morning. So nice and quiet on my street. This will be a great place for parties. Furniture guys just came...they are seeting up my living room and bedroom. Still have to wait for Builder warranty guy to fix some things and the guy to set up my alarm system. Then later I am off to Circuit City and/or Best Buy to buy a load of stuff. Tomorrow Sound advice comes with my electronics. I also need to go to Home Depot. I get the feeling I will be spending a lot of time in Home Depot. Its all fun and good. Peace.

Date:	2006-06-09 19:19
Subject:	Closing
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	Dave Mason

New update.

I am closing this Thur June 15th at 3 pm. Finally!

Date:	2006-06-09 10:44
Subject:	Walk through
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

I just heard from the builder, and my walk through is Wed June 14th at 2pm. If all looks good and I sign off then my closing should be very, very soon after that. I have key for the house, (a friend works for the builder and gave me a key), and I was there yesterday. It looks good. There a a few minor details that need to be addressed, but nothing that would prevent me from signing off after the walk through. It just hard trying to schedule all the stuff to be delivered not having an exact date for closing.

I am loving my new Dell notebook. Peace.

I hooked up my Dell notebook last night. All I can say is wow. I feel like I went from driving a horse and wagon to flying in a jet. So I am back online. Now if I can just get the hell into the house. I was told today that the house is complete and they have the CO. Now I am waiting for the bank inspection. My closing date is June 15th. I will believe that when I finally sign the dotted lines and they hand me the key. Most of the furniture and electronics are coming on Sat June 17th so I hope I do close on the 15th. Peace.

Date:	2006-06-02 07:48
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	Linkin Park

Well hello everyone.

It has been a long, long, time since I updated here or even been on online for that matter. My old computer finally died and went to computer heaven. It died early last week. So I am limited getting online at the moment. Last Saturday I ordered a new Dell notebook. It cost me $2,500. This thing is loaded. I mean loaded. I should get it between June 9th-12th.

Have I moved into the house yet? No. It is all done and waiting for final inspection. I am told it was scheduled for today. If that is the case and passes, then I will do my walk through next week and then closing. I went by the house on Wed evening. I have a key so I was able to get inside. It looks great.

Last weekend I spent the most of the Memorial day weekend shopping for the house. I spent 10 grand in those 3 days, but I brought so much for the house.

Lets see what else.... Oh, I have seriously cut back on the partying the past 3 weeks. I feel better and look better. I have been just getting a lot of rest and taking better care of myself. Tonight I am going to Chambers in Tampa. Once in a while its ok to party, but I was doing it to much.

I am still playing tennis. I have had some good matches the past few weeks. I miss chatting with some of you online. But I will be back in a week or so. Hope everybody is doing well. Peace.

Date:	2006-05-04 12:09
Subject:	Drained
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

I think my body is starting to breakdown a bit. I have felt drained, tired, and low on energy all week. I think between working all these hours at my job, private practice, giving tennis lessons, playing in that tennis tournament, family in town, months and months of partying and staying up late, plus excitement/stress anticipating, moving into my new house has caught up to me. Most of that is my own fault. I just feel blah. I need time off soon. I have close to 7 weeks vacation time. I think I might take tomorrow off (Friday) and not work this weekend. Which would be my first weekend off without doing any work since I cant remember when. Yeah the money has been great, but not if I feel like this. The key is that even though I take off tomorrow not to let that be excuse to party tonight. Mentally I am tired and I think the main reason is...I am ready, more than ready to move into my home. It has been a year and a half of waiting and now that it is close, real close, my patience is out. I need to get in NOW! My friend Buddy who just graduated from FSU in Computer Technology is all ready to help me get my home set-up. I have been talking and/or chillin with some real awesome guys. But until I get into my home, just not ready for anything serious. But I have been enjoying talking, chatting and chillin with them.

Oh, the Aussie who beat me in the semifinals did go on win in the Finals of the Southwest Florida Regional. He beat a guy who had not lost a match all tournament 6-1 6-2. Makes me a bit upset because I beat the Aussie 5 weeks ago and was real close in out last match. Oh well.

Well, I was knocked out of the tennis tournament, yesterday. The Aussie beat me 6-4 6-2. He played a heck of a match. I was able to beat him a couple of weeks back, but yesterday he just missed very few times and dictated most of the points. The first set alone took 1 hour. There was nice crowd out there. So for playing my first tournament in a couple of years, I did pretty well. There will be another day.

Family is in town and boy did we party. Probably more of the same tonight.